2023 went by fast.
I just reviewed my end-of-2022 review (though I just posted today, a year late!), and it still feels like yesterday. I was reading and listening to Martin Hägglund a year ago! Many of the ideas there still feel fresh and current, but have also evolved. And if I look back far enough to the genesis of this blog (and other writing that shortly predated it in 2021, and probably to even earlier conversations with mommy and daddy in 2020) I think it has a been a multi-year journey in grappling with grief. And 2023 has only added to the loss. The passing of the world I grew up with, and the hopeful child within me.
This loss left me unmoored, and unsure of where to go. And this kicked off the intense search for somewhere to rest, to end the regression of questions.
Many questions remain unanswered. But with the passing of time, I think I’ve become more comfortable living with the questions.
The promise of new beginnings leaves no time to figure things out thoroughly except to simply “live the questions,” as Rilke would say. I think the old me would feel like this is giving up on answers. In some sense that is accurate, but it is also about embracing life as it is.
Simply put, there are more important things (people!) to take care of now. Thank you to my partner and my baby for getting me going. There is so much more that I want to write and say to you that will have to come in 2024.
As 2024 comes along, I am reminded of a couple refrains that I have heard for many years now, but have taken on more significance with more life experience.
能捨才能得